Figuring Out Who You Are In Your 20’s: A Roller-Coaster Ride
As a species homo sapiens have continually explored and sought out new territories and unknown lands. Once we had traversed the whole Earth we moved on to extra-terrestrial pursuits, the pinnacle being when we put a man on the moon. Despite all this, perhaps the greatest achievement man can attain is that of inner exploration — conquering the terrain within oneself.
Many individuals embark on this journey of inner exploration in their twenties, a period represented as a transition from dependent childhood into one of independent adulthood. Whether it is intellectual curiosity, emotional pain, spiritual revelations, or mystical out of body experiences something within sets us off on this path of inner exploration. We begin to ask: Who am I? What values do I stand for? Where did I come from and where am I going? What kind of life do I wish to live?
Reconciling new information with old beliefs is one of the greatest challenges. Letting go of current opinions in light of new information can be psychologically chaotic. At a minimum, it is very uncomfortable. You begin to question all you knew beforehand. But this transition need not be viewed so negatively. Your beliefs in the past were those you best formulated with what you knew. They came from an honest place and adhered to your values, which is all you can strive for. Being able to admit to a new point of view is a sign of real humility and maturity, a trait which is unfortunately becoming all too infrequent as people in our society become further entrenched in dogmatic ideologies — on either side of the spectrum. The people we disagree with retain the capacity to teach us a lot about ourselves.
Seeing who you could become vis a vis who you are right now gives life meaning. It is why you wake up in the morning, to get back on the saddle of getting better each day. The journey of inner exploration doesn’t entail some eureka moment of enlightenment. It is a gradual process, comprised of the minor decisions one makes day after day. Incremental progress is the name of the game. Feedback from friends, family, and life’s situations provide a reflecting glass on the person you’re becoming. It is a process of duality. One minute you experience the euphoria of insight. The next the despair of self-doubt. Yet without question this process is necessary, and immensely rewarding. Those “aha” moments reveal to us something we already knew but did not know that we knew.
As one forms their moral, philosophical, spiritual, intellectual, and political beliefs a new sense of clarity emerges. Equipped with this newfound self-knowledge and self-awareness, the potential of our life occupies a framework from which we have the autonomy to fill in the details. The next step requires a move from reflective inward thinking to practical external doing. Patience, discipline, hard work, perseverance, and remaining true to ourselves will hopefully turn goals into reality. Ignoring the distractions and temptations to deviate which exists in the material world is a constant battle.
Accepting the fact that the more you learn the less you know is an important lesson along the way too. Continually challenging accepted ways of thinking is essential but never easy, and is often distressing. An analysis of the self is not something to be done light-heartedly. There are always intermittent periods of self-doubt but encouragingly, with the benefit of hindsight, light starts to form at the end of the tunnel as dots begin to connect.
Mastering the chaos within is the first step towards mastering the chaos on the outside. Being the master of your own kingdom is the most empowering thing one can do — because regardless of what is said or done to you, you will always retain autonomy and control over your inner world. There is way more to you than you know.
I wrote this article as a way of communicating my own insights and insecurities based on my experience on this journey thus far, safe in the knowledge that there are many others out there undertaking similar pursuits. I would hazard a guess that figuring out who you is a process that never ends but your twenties are certainly a time when you formulate who you wish to become, a process that will have a significant effect on the outcome of your life and on the lives of those around you. Not knowing what I want to do or be is an omnipresent source of discomfort, but I believe committing to figuring myself out first will soon lead to doors opening and questions being answered. To have an effect in this world one needs to be articulate, educated, and a pursuer of the truth.
“Non foras ire, in interiore homine habitat veritas” — Go not outside; truth dwells in the inner man. (Carl Jung)
I would love to hear insights from anyone else’s experiences.
