Why I’m Taking A Break From ‘Self-Improvement’
As 2018 rolls around, I find myself taking stock of where I am at this moment in time. How did 2017 pan out? Am I happy with how I currently feel? What are my aspirations for 2018?
Of late I have come to the realisation that the time has come for me to disengage from the continual process of so called ‘self-improvement’. This word doesn’t sit well with me (it’s a fairly loaded term) but it does encapsulate a broad myriad of subsets to which I refer. In essence, I view it as looking for answers within oneself, engaging in self-analysis, and pursuing incremental improvements.
I have come to realise that the true measure of ‘self-improvement’ is when one no longer needs to engage in the very process of ‘self-improvement’. That’s not to say that I am where I’d like to be, but rather I feel I would be better served putting these endeavours on hold. ‘Self-improvement’ is something most of us engages in, with or without the rather arbitrary distinction of (pretentiously) announcing it to the world. Personal growth is not necessarily dependent on our explicit acknowledgment of it. And sometimes letting go of something is the best way to see it materialise. This correlates with the Buddhist doctrine that when we let go of our attachment to something, we paradoxically become more receptive to its presence.
Why the shift in mindset?
There is this odd paradox when one is in a state of ‘self-improvement’. Because there is no finish line, we continually see progress while simultaneously never reaching an end point. We are spinning our own wheels. The goal of ‘self-improvement’ should be to no longer need it, and to live life as it simply is (with the benefit of our ingrained learning).
Busy-ness has become a badge of honour in our modern society. I had oriented my life in such a way that I demanded myself to always be “on”. This produced a mental fatigue. I found myself unable to just sit on a bus without experiencing a mild degree of anxiety over the fact that I wasn’t listening to a podcast or audiobook or reading i.e. being productive. Even things like my meditation practice or yoga class risked becoming something to be ticked off my ‘to do list’ as another thing completed.
The Antidote
“I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. Life is no “brief candle” to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment; and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations” — George Bernard Shaw
My aspiration for 2018 is to just BE. I want to live life to the fullest and experience each day simply for what it is. I want to be as present in every moment as possible. I do not want to over-analyse social interactions. I want to prioritise positivity over negativity. Frankly, I want to enjoy myself again. Intellectual stimulation is wonderful, but it is merely one domain amongst many we must master in life.
This post is specific to me, but I think the takeaway lesson is of a general application: life is predicated on finding balance. When we become over-consumed by a certain thing, we risk eventually becoming alienated and disorientated with ourselves (or the thing we’ve anointed as the be all and end all). The key lies in being able to identify when something is no longer serving you. What worked brilliantly in the past may now need to be cast aside. This can be difficult to admit to, especially when the very thing was a source of such benefit to us in the past. This could be anything for anyone. For me it happens to relate to self-analysis, and psychological and philosophical introspection. I am putting these endeavours on hold for the time being.
Paradoxically this is one of the benefits of self-awareness: to know yourself to the degree that you can pinpoint the source of what is causing you discomfort. Proof, perhaps, that all of this inner work has reaped some reward!
The Ithaca Diaries
